101: Keep up with it!

Complete you, I must complete you!
Satisfy you, I must satisfy you!
Find you, I must find you!
Stare at you, I must stare at you!
Hold you, I must hold you!
Touch you, I must touch you!
Taste you, I must taste you!
Turn you around, I must turn you around!
Train up you, I must train up you!
Ignite you, I must ignite you!

That’s the Fire, Keep it, I must keep it!!

100: Praise, Criticism and Taunts

Praise, we should receive all, but not to accept all.
Criticism, we should process all, but not to deny all.
Taunts, we should also process all, but to resist and reject all.

Clearly, Praise and appreciation are good things so that there is no reason to reject. We should process all as it is at least the recognition by others, no matter they are true-hearted or not. We should not accept all since somehow we should be humble and rational, but not so humble to an extent that appears to be unconfident and hypocritical. Just not to be over-confident and be natural.

Criticism, although it sounds bad, it should be accepted when it is true and for your own benefit, therefore we should process all and not to deny in the first place. If True Criticism is taken seriously, it can help us in the long run. Unreasonable Criticism, or False Criticism, is just like garbage-in-garbage-out, no need to be unhappy, and sometimes for courtesy, no need to deny openly. Just forget and let it flow.

Taunts, have unfair, unreasonable, artificial implications. We should also process because we would know who are the makers of these unfair, unreasonable, artificial claims. This is also part of the real world, words can hurt, but train up to be not easy to get hurt. Or you can think, if I were this person, will I mock at people in such a way? Or is this person just want to criticize me, but due to poor communication skills this person has done something over? These questions are what we should process. Then resist (politely and tactfully).

Receive and Process all first, then resist and reject those should be.

In the newspaper, these words by 小美 draw my attention:
讚美係玫瑰，好快凋謝，反而適量的奚落係一種特效藥，會刺激你發奮，唔使太介懷．
每一個成功來臨之前，都可能遇上風雨，經得起的話就會有下一個成功．

Keep the Fire!

99: Accept and Resist

When we encounter something not good, some people say we should:
1. Accept and not to resist.
2. Not accept and resist

If we repeatedly Accept and not to Resist, we may:
1. Accept and Accept for every time
2. Lose the consciousness to resist

If we repeatedly Not accept and Resist, we may also:
1. Not to accept in every time
2. Become a habit to Resist

Clearly, both are not desirable. The first kind will become a sheep, always say yes and lose that kind of fire and drive to resist, and get used to feel depressed – always think for people first but leave personal feeling to a lower ranking. The second kind will become a crocodile, always bite and not to think about why, and will become selfish – always need people to accommodate and surrender.

By experience, sometimes you really have to accept but of course sometimes you must resist. Accept whatever reasonable. Resist whatever non-sense. More tactful is to ‘First Accept and then Resist’.

98: Release

Release from pressure. Release from depression. We must have heard of these before. But can we do it? Can we do it to the full? Not always.

It all depends on personal mood, feelings of all others, grow up of intimacy, interactions with others – all these can be summarized into “The Atmosphere”.

The Atmosphere can drive people in, and also can drive people behind and drive people out. Interactions can help one catch the Atmosphere and being driven into. Selfish doings may make you lose the hang and being driven out easily, and may drive out others as well.
The more you devote, the more you can get released.

97: Chinese hand-writing

In secondary school, performance in Chinese Language subject has been continuously below average. It’s really quite ashamed to be a Chinese but performed not very well in the subject, haha … …

After graduated from secondary school, chances to write in Chinese are becoming less and less. Even in university, except for a few subjects like ‘College Chinese’ and ‘Putonghua’, all others are in English. Books and assignments are all in English. Now at work, talk in Chinese but write in English.

There are also some chances to write Chinese but all are challenging. Preparing an Audit Committee Report in all-Chinese is definitely a big task for me. Although it can be copied from last year Report, some new points have to be added and I have to ‘create’ in Chinese. The most difficult is to find the Chinese translation of those English accounting terms. Managers will also tell you ideas in English and you have to write in Chinese. And after you have worked very hard to write all, you may find the sentences are somehow strange, and you have to fine tune them into a professional tone. It is definitely not an easy task.

Even not preparing a Chinese report, when I only write a few words like taking a note in Chinese, I discovered my Chinese hand-writing style was strange too. Complicated words are written slowly and not in very comfortable style. Sometimes will even forget the exact strokes of a Chinese word and have to open the Word and type out to see. Anyway, it is just not many chances to write in Chinese.

May be reading more newspaper can help, but I am used to read Apple Daily, haha … …

96: Penmanship & Copy book

Remember there is an English homework called ‘Penmanship’ when you were young? It was to write some vocabularies or passages in a double line or single line book. If the hand-writing is good, get a nice red rabbit, otherwise, a dark blue cute pig would be given.

And for lower secondary school, there was another English homework called ‘Copy book’. It was more or less the same as Penmanship and just write in a different kind of English character.

Nowadays at work, much less hand writing is needed, may be just a few words or sentences, but absolutely not a long passage. We have sophisticated word-processing devices and software which enable us to write, amend, correct, remove, format easily. Flexibility of change is very high.

But I think Penmanship and Copy book are still needed as they are part if the school life of pupils. Rabbits and Pigs can already symbolize something easily. Penmanship can also help pupils to spell words. You may imagine, if they are given a MS Word to do their homework, they will not spell words and study grammar since there is spell and grammar check tool. Penmanship can train up their spelling and develop their brain. Copy book can train up their patience and quest for better.

But most funny is that some colleagues’ hand-writing are still in that kind of English Copy book style. Even a single word is like those written in Copy books, very organized and identical.

95: Gamble on Time & Ham n’ Cheese Burger

Waited for bus to go home, feeling more and more hungry.

There is a McD in less than 100 feet distance of the bus stop, and the Ham n’ Cheese Burger appeared on TV is quite attractive. I was then in a dilemma:

1. If I walked away to but the Burger and the bus comes, I will miss the bus and have to wait for another 15 minutes.
2. If I keep waiting, don’t know how long still have to wait, I will become even more hungry on the bus, and the attractiveness of the Burger will keep appearing in my mind.

Very quick, I choose option 1, since even missed the bus, waiting for another quarter not really matters, and more importantly is I can enjoy the Burger and ease my hunger.

I walked straight to the McD, not many people in the queues and I could buy it very quickly. I then walked straight back to the bus stop, and the magic moment came – the bus was arriving!!

I win BOTH the time and the Burger! And make NO loss! The Burger is really delicious, especially I haven’t had my dinner yet.

94: Shocked, or expected?

You know something is different from somebody tell you something.

Expected, I have expected one thing will happen.

Shocked, I have not expected one thing will happen. There are many meanings: not expect the thing itself would happen, not expect the thing would happen at this time, not expect the thing would happen to me, not expect the thing would happen in this particular way. All these are questions concerning the “W”s and “How”s.

Knowing more is not necessarily better, at the same time, knowing less is not necessarily worse.

Do we need to pretend we dunno something? I would say, if people expect you know, we no need to pretend anymore, if people would be shocked that you know, better keep silent. And most importantly we should respect the intention of the subject. The subject may expect you to be a big mouth or to be a zipper, and the subject would be shocked if you act in contrary to the intention.

Communicate, by a simple gesture, by a short eye contact, by a to-heart shoulder hit, by mutual understanding, by past events, by related events, by common sense, by judgement with reference to circumstances … … is essential, for handling tactfully and smoothly.

93: Why always make things ready earlier?

Yesterday I had a wonderful afternoon sleep and I missed a number of phone calls.

I called back some, but ignored some.

The callers are different from those discussed in my previous post.

Why you are so nervous? Called me twice yesterday and once this morning? even left 2 messages? I will give you today, but I'm not going to call you back. It's my holiday. And you said he wants to have it today, but I checked the email, he said just give him today if we could. That means we could give him on Monday. Why you make the deadline earlier to me? Totally unreasonable. I won't fulfill all you need by your time like some guys, simply because there is no concrete reason and that kind of urgency.

Anyway, I have just emailed to you. You have plenty of time to look at every word in detail today.

92: Phone Calls

Today I called a person at 7 that I have put something on her desk and asked her whether I need to discuss with her face-to-face. She said she was very busy this afternoon. I offered to meet her tomorrow morning and talk to her directly and she said ok. Then I left immediately after the call. But when I was waiting for bus on the street, she called my mobile and ask this ask that, and I just answer this answer that with much noise background. Yes, I have expected, but not so soon, haha … …

A few days ago an important person called me at 530. She asked her secretary to call me but it was already the off-time of the secretary, so the secretary msn me and was very nervous. She said she would like to talk to me and asked me to call her now. I of course don’t want to call her because I am already very busy, so I told the secretary in msn that I am talking with client on another line and I would call her back. The secretary was still very nervous (since she cannot leave) and I teach her to tell the important person that I am on another line and will call back her. About 15 minutes later, I sent an email to the important person and asked her whether I could call her now, and she replied very quickly: ‘Thanks for your quick response. I have already called another person to follow up the things for me. You may call that person to give a big hand to her.’ So happy that I no need to talk to her, and no need to follow up the things, but of course I also called the other gal and she told me about what she said to her.

Last month I received another call from a once-important person. When I saw the name on caller display, I naturally not answer and not call back. I don’t know why. Maybe I don’t know what to talk, don’t know how to react, simply too odd. In fact I should just treat it as natural and call back, but I really can’t do it. Forgive me please.

91: Recall emails

Outlook has a function called “Recall”. When a sender sent a wrong email to recipient A and if he does not wish A to read the email, he could send a recall for that specific email. Then when A open Outlook, he would see the original email and one recall message. When he double click the recall message, the original email would automatically be permanently deleted and he cannot see what the sender has written and wrongly sent to him.

All people have curiosity and would want to see what someone has done wrongly. But this function of Outlook seems cannot deter people’s curiosity. If we delete the Recall message from the Inbox, we can still see the wrong email. Or if we don’t double click the Recall message but just click once (means the Recall message is not opened), we can still see the wrong email. So the Recall function seems useless.

Although it is useless in deterring the recipient from reading the email, it showed the intention of the sender. The Recall message is just like saying sorry to the recipient, but not expressedly conveyed.

This intention is important and should be easily felt by the subject person. If you have a brilliant idea to express this intention but it is too sophisticated for the person to understand, it is still useless. Brilliant ideas should be for well-understood persons only, otherwise will bring about unpredictable misunderstanding..

In some occasions, less expressed words of sorry are preferred to an explicit one. Directly saying sorry seems less sincere in the sense that it can be run out of the lips directly and without contemplation. A more different means of sorry showed the more willingness to apologize and offering meaningful remedies is definitely more practical than merely say hundred times sorry. Actions usually speak louder than words if one is sincere enough.

90: Being the Big Brother

Big here means the oldest (brother or sister in a family).

Most people would think being the big brother is good. He is supported and respected by all brothers and sisters. He can also ask them to do things for him, like giving instructions to them and they will do it for you. It is because the brothers and sisters would somehow respectful to their brothers and sisters as they think their knowledge, experience and horizon are all better than theirs. Yes, it’s true, for some cases.

Some will rely on their big brother on solving problems and leave their independent thinking behind. If the problem can be solved, they just think it is a must and no even say a word of thanks. Even worse, if it fails, they will blame their brother for failure to help the little.

A big brother would also bear more responsibility to the family. Brother’s and sister’s school fees, books expenses, pocket money are somehow related to them. When going shopping together with brothers and sisters, the payer is normally the big one.

But being a big brother does not only have the above grey things. When you are very busy and your brother has sincerely or voluntarily done something for you, you will definitely feel happy. When you ask him to do something and he can make them done in an out-of-expectation way, you will feel even more satisfied.

I think the most difficult thing a big brother ask his brother to do is to study hard. Laziness in studies cannot be solved overnight. Only with continuous, patient and moderate-to-high supervision and guidance may it be improved. This kind of worry is really a difficult task to handle. After doing our part, we can only hope he can wake up one day, hopefully not too late.

89: Being a Little Brother

Being a little brother means having one or more bigger brothers or sisters.

Being a little brother and an only child are somehow similar. Now, he becomes the centre of his parents and brothers and sisters. No matter how old is the little brother, he is the youngest amongst all members in the family. Even he has married he is still the smallest. Everybody would normally want to take care of him but he may have too much love from different people like an only child. But much love is absolutely better than no love, rite?

A little brother is better than an only child in the sense that he has a wider “income source”. When parents reject to give him money to buy their favourite toys, clothes or trendy items, he can turn to his brothers and sisters, and vice versa. One important thing for a family with a little brother or a little sister is communication. Some “clever” children will ask both parents and brothers. Without communication, the clever guy can get double benefits!

But being a little brother is not always good. When his brother or sister has some achievements, he would be unintentionally placing invisible pressure on himself. Depending on his character, this kind of pressure could be a drive for him to work even harder, or could be a big rock hindering his confidence and future.

A little brother can receive much love and concerns from parents and brothers and sisters, so all of them could see through what their little son or little brother really need. Don’t waste love and blindly give out, should give it to the full in appropriate directions.

88: Being an Only Child

Being the only child, he would be the centre of his parents. It can be said, he wants wind and can get wind, wants rain and can get wind. Parents would tend to satisfy their lovely but lonely child as much as they can. But how about having a brother or sister? Will their parents satisfy them?

The only child is also the most important investment of their parents. Apart from shares and funds, the parents would place the biggest fund into this investment. They would provide everything the best they think to the child. “They think” should be highlighted because the child may be too small to decide or to reject. Unlike investment plans offered by banks, the parents may find this investment is easy to manage at the beginning, but becoming increasingly complicating to manage and to yield. Their plan may need to be modified, altered or diversified.

I guess being an only child is quite boring. Normally at home there is nobody in similar age to play with, to argue with, or to enjoy with. Apart from parents, the only friend may be TV games, computer, telephone, music, or may be the maid who would speak funny English like “close the fan” instead of “switch off the fan”. This is a real case and he is one of my students when I was private tutor during my university life.

Whether having only one single child is good or bad for the child himself is really a big question mark. The “plan” would vary with circumstances and not many variables are fixed. If you win, you can encourage and upgrade the child, and you could win again and again. If you lose, you are lose then, and have to add more than double oil to improve the situation or at least to prevent the situation from getting worse.

Anyway, having a child or children is irreversible decision. Once decided, try your best not to lose!

87: Modern Beauty

Traditional Beauty attributes:
M: tall, handsome, clever, rich … …
F: long hair, good face, feminine, virtuous … …

Nowadays, there are more and more attributes of Modern Beauty:
M: confident, responsible, fit, humorous, trustworthy … …
F: fit and in shape, high EQ, generous, trustworthy, colourful … …

The concept of beauty is an ever-evolving. While humans are becoming more sophisticated, many thinking and concepts are evolving at the same time. Like in the past, men would think obedient women are beautiful and a man having an obedient wife is one thing to be proud of. But nowadays, with better education, emergence of feminists and widened horizons of women, women who are blindly obedient to her partner are not beautiful. Beautiful women now have their own thinking and those even more beautiful women would be obedient to their man dependant upon situations and sometimes they would be obedient like a sheep and sometimes independent like a tiger. The same also applies to men. Humans are evolving and becoming cleverer.

Inner Beauty also becomes one of the crucial components of Modern Beauty. As long as Outer Beauty is also important, people do realize the importance of the Inner. A normal Outer and normal Inner can become better than an excellent Outer but intolerable Inner.

People can now also pay for Modern Beauty. Fat, go to gym or slimming centres; Unattractive, so to do cosmetic surgery; Shy, can go to workshops to boost confidence; Too boyish, can buy more feminine dresses; Too girlish, can go tanning and gym to develop muscles. There are many other ways that humans can pay for Modern Beauty and sources are plentiful.

Evolution of the Concept, in a word, is due to Evolution of our Values. Our Values change, so do our perception and interpretation of thinkings and concepts.

86: Say Hi

Today I saw you on the street in Causeway Bay. I recognized you, but I turned my face aside, so I don’t know whether you can see me or not.

I think many people had similar experience before. One would avoid being seen by another people. Would he/she remember me? What should I talk to him/her? I am in a hurry, better talk to him/her later. He/she will not remember me even I introduce myself, so not saying hi seems better. Many other excuses can make up.

I have also seen you before but I turned my face aside. You have also seen me before but you turned your face aside.

I met you once in a party.
Next time I saw you, you turned me down.
Next time you saw me, I turned you down.
The 4th time, we met again in another party, but we may still be hi-bye friends.

I met you once in a party.
Next time I saw you, and I say Hi to you.
Next time you saw me, and you say Hi to me, and we chat for a while.
The 4th time, we met again in another party, and we have more to chat, and we become friends.

So we say Hi to people when we see them, we would have friends!

______________________________

Of course it is not that simple. Human beings are complicated creatures and depth of friendship has nothing related to how many Hi we say. Some guys we often meet and chat may not be our best friends. Some guys we may only see one or two times are indeed our best friends.

Just to say Hi, a matter of politeness, and kind of normal human interaction. Be more generous.

85: B R E A D

Bread is always my favourite breakfast. It has a wide variety to choose, not heavy, and convenient. Either cheese, onion, sausage, pizza, or even the blank one, is delicious.

Reading has been my bobby, but because time is scarce for me, I have not picked up a book to read for very long time. Books are now replaced by newspapers and magazines which are convenient to obtain, start and end. I hate forgotten what a book has been talking about in earlier chapters and have to read them again and again in order to proceed to reading forward.

Bed is definitely a necessity for me. The bed at home is my heaven. I treat a free sleep an experience which I cherish very much. Luckily I have no problem of ‘cannot sleep’ and I only have the problem of ‘not enough sleep’. If I am given time to sleep, I can sleep very quickly.

I like watching and reading Ads very much, especially ads which are informative, easily legible and eye-catching. New things are not necessarily better than existing ones, but we should not presume those existing are better than new ones and not move one step forward. Just to know does not mean to make the decision, as long as you can resist the temptation, haha … …

84: Latin and characters

Latins, signified by its attributes, are energetic, restless, hot, romantic and full of passion.

Chinese people can also be that, but the way they express these would be somehow different from the Latins.

Every and each of us is unique. Although we may have similar characters, the way we interpret, select and express would be different, and they can be influenced by those you know or those around you.

Personal experience would also influence one’s character.

Culture can also influence people’s characters. A passionate Latin is definitely from a passionate Chinese. Even they may have similar behaviour, they will still be interpreted as different.

All these understanding and interpretations on characters are matters of personal cognition, interpretation and judgment. No right or wrong. No true or false. No better or worse. Only have appropriate or in appropriate, and relevant or irrelevant on circumstances.

83: Quest for Perfection

Perfect, by definition, is better than good.

Some people will wish to pay a price for achieving perfection. People doing cosmetic surgery, they will pay an extraordinarily extra price to achieve the perfection defined by them without much consideration. Some people will also spend much time to further make a good thing into a perfect one, like a designer will continue to make amendment and improvement to pull up their masterpiece to the most attractive level. Some ladies who already had a highly visible make-up will continue to add in different colours and elements onto their face to make it to the sharpest. There are a lot more similar examples and it seems normal for everybody who has strong passion on particular things.

But not everybody would have the same passion as you, therefore one MUST NOT impose his own definition of perfection on others. You will think it’s perfect but I will think it’s totally rubbish. It’s a matter of subjective judgment and the opportunity cost for the perfection can also vary a great deal from people to people. And somehow the quest for perfection is more for self-satisfaction than for the good of that object.

So, it’s the attitude, heart and passion of the perfectionist should be admired, but not the elements comprising and the outcome of the perfection.

82: Tolerance

Having worked for some years, my level of tolerance is gradually moving upward, in respect of tolerance towards junior colleagues and managers, tolerance towards acceptably high price goods and leisure, tolerance towards unsatisfactory services in shops and restaurants, tolerance towards everything in contrary to my will and expectation … …

But of course when the level of tolerance is continuously challenged and is exceeded, I will become rejecting, become angry, become black face, become cool, become silent, and the least reactive one, become forgetful and forgiving. Everything, that’s ok, no other way to choose, then full stop.

Some friends say, ‘Why seldom see you lose temper? Why you said you have lost temper but I did not realize? If I faced this situation, I would definitely lose temper, why you wouldn’t? You are so foolish, why let it go?’ I will think, have I lost the fire to lose temper? Have I lost the fire drive? Or am I too tolerating? Or am I putting all unhappiness inside? Am I too unnecessarily optimistic? I still have not got definite answers.

I’m not going to change. At least I can protect myself and I have no very hard feeling, I will let go.

Learn to let go is important. Something for you is yours. Something not for you is not yours. This is very true. Strive for the former. Let go of the latter. Let go … …