39: Mindset and tactics

This week should be a happy and enjoyable week since I am on staff training for 4 days in Central. But this time cannot leave at 530 sharp because I have to go back to office to clear up my work afterwards.

Time is made even more tough because the manager-in-charge (manager A) of the job is on vacation. He asked another manager (manager B) to help him handle and I assist her. Besides, the job is not done by me before and I am only responsible for following up the works of my colleagues, so I am supposed not to know much about the details. Worst of all, after reviewed the file, lo ban asked manager B and me to sit down in front of her in her room to discuss the file and her queries face-to-face with the door shut. It was very quiet in her room and it is my first time in this firm to sit down in lo ban’s room, so it makes me very uncomfortable. And I could not give her satisfactory answers of her questions since the job is not done by me. She also said I am very innocent, but from her words, eyes and gestures, she seems putting the blame on me and manager B. We are innocent!!

The most embarrassing moment is that she said she called client today for explanation and clarification of some aspects of the job. She said client has already told me before and asked me why I have not told her. I really have no idea that client has told me the thing before. I cannot even say a concrete word at that moment and just say no. She somehow challenged me from another angle and finally she said to me, ‘I am not blaming you two now, but you have thought so long but still cannot say whether client has told you the thing. It’s ok.’ Oh my god, is it my fault?

Afterwards, I asked myself why I cannot sit up straight, look at her and say out client has not told me the matter without any hesitation. I was not that in my former firm as I can look at Tony’s eyes directly and say things without any hesitation. (Tony is the principal of my former firm and he is a tough and unreasonable man, but sometimes I managed to protect myself from being scolded by him by showing confidence.) In this year in the new firm, although there are plentiful new things learnt, I have not deal with this kind of person. Managers A and B are also kind persons. In my former firm, I had to deal with and argue with Tony almost every day and I was trained up at that time. But as time goes by in the new firm and there is no big challenge in this aspect, I gradually lost the mindset and tactics of dealing with Tony.

Although have hard-feeling, this experience somehow told me that change is now occurring. I hope I can avoid this kind of embarrassment and can recover those which I had lost or put elsewhere.